So I'm just sitting on the couch watching The Lord of the Rings when I began to feel insanely jealous. Not the kind of jealous that Ross felt when Rachel was neckin' with that one foreign dude, but more the kind of outrageous jealousy that Cheetara felt when he was trapped in a cage and forced to watch his Thundercat brethren fight without him. It's just not fair! Why does Frodo Baggins get to go on this sweet epic adventure, full of danger and heroism, and I get squat!? After finishing the final two-thirds of the trilogy and eating a pint of vanilla yogurt with granola sprinkles, I began to make a list of everything that allowed Frodo to forever alter the course of Middle Earth:
1.) He has hairy feet...so do I! While it may not seem like a very relevant or important attribute to have, trust me it is. If you're running around Mordor, hiding from olyphants and orcs, even the sneakiest of sneakers won't do. Barefoot is the way to be.
2.) He has an ambiguously homosexual best friend...check! We here at WLD have a sort of don't ask, don't tell policy...but I'm pretty sure Chase is gay.
3.) He had a tall friend with a long beard that carried a stick... Now, I don't know that i would call him a 'friend,' but while I was riding the bus the other day, someone that matches that description was standing very very very close behind me. I wonder if Gandalf also smelled like urine, kitty litter, and mentos.
4.) I actually didn't get to finish number four because my mom came home and started bitching at me to get a job and stuff. Blah Blah Blah! Jokes on her, though- I didn't dust-bust the cushions after I finished my nachos...ha ha!
Well I don't have time to keep complaining about that Frodo homo, Teen Witch is on in half an hour, and I'm out of Funyons.
