Quickly, the armies of all nations assembled to confront the monster, and swiftly they fell. For no mere mortal may slay such a massive abomination. Only a truly benevolent sword may pierce it's stony flesh. And yet no such hero emerged from obscurity to take the beast back to whatever dark universe that it was spawned. A dark time followed.
The armies, looking for answers, soon turned on each other. As the monster ravaged and terrorized the countryside, men began wars on themselves. How silly it seems, that at a time like that, that the only thing worse than Lucipher's personal mercenary is the deep resentment that men feel towards one another. For example, I hate Carrot Top. There it is. I said it.
All the world seemed to be falling into the eternal abyss of darkness. Civilization as we know it was all but decimated, with every man looking out for himself. Neighbors turned on neighbors. Street gangs dominated the market economy. Cher produced her 67 th album. The monster's evil plan seemed to be working perfectly. Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. Months turned to years. I'm sorry. That was a pretty lame and tactless thing to say. Obviously Months turned to years. It's called the space- time continuum. So here, let me re-phrase that: time passed. As it did, it seemed that all was doomed.
All over the world, millions began talking about the re-emergence of the one: Jesus Christ. "NO NO NO. NOT HIM. EVEN BETTER," said the voice. "I GIVE TO YOU…
WE LIKE DRAGONS!" As the Heavenly voice echoed throughout the canyons of the universe, six swirling vortexes touched down just east of the fiery waters of Cleveland, Ohio. From the red vortex sprang Alex- equipped with a sharp wit and an even sharper pocket protector. From the green vortex sprouted Brandon- good with numbers and a handful in the bedroom. From the orange vortex came Chase- with his devilish good looks and a chin that could cut a holiday ham into bite-sized morsels. The yellow vortex emitted Brian- with the brain power to explode small children, and a temper to accomplish the same feat. And from the indigo vortex came Jacob- A man willing and able to file anyone's taxes…for a small fee.
The evil creature; the plague of generations, was clearly outmatched. Avoiding a final showdown that would most definitely have brought about his demise, the creature wisely crawled back into the shadows from whence he came.
The triumphant heroes, celebrated above all other mortals decided that they would spend the rest of eternity on earth to safe-guard the planet in case the evil creature from the depths returned for revenge.
What's that? You never really wanted to hear the story in the first place?
Well I think you're an A@#- Hole!
The End.
It was on a night; so cold and terrible that even just a brief moment of exposure was enough to make your lungs feel heavy with ice, and your nose sharp with snotsicles. It was so cold, and so dark, that even the trees seemed to shiver and huddle together for safety. But from the cold, dreary silence of the night came a deep rumbling boom. Then, another boom. Somewhere, deep in the forest, a creature so hideous and terrible that I dare not speak it's name, awoke from it's thousand-year slumber. This evil monster trampled across the land, feasting on all in it's path. From livestock to automobiles. From Frosted Flakes to little babies, this monster devoured it all.
